Content of the material
- Mindset #1: When things go crazy, I`ll be the calmest person in the room
- Display passion in your words and actions
- 8. Take initiatives:
- Let go of your ego and pride
- Be more interested in others than in yourself.
- 15. Be able to be in the present:
- 2. Let your eyes do the work
- 13 Guidelines to Help You Develop Winning Charisma
- Listen Actively
- Be Genuine in Every Way
- Inspire Others
- Communicate with Purpose
- Mirror and Match People
- Tell Engaging Stories
- Freely Compliment People
- Project Confidence
- Help People at Every Opportunity
- Vary Up Your Facial Expressions
- Use a Gentle Touch
- Use Well Timed Pauses
- Qualities to Aspire to…
- The Charismatic Mindset
- 5) Develop a Warm Personality
- 2) Master Your Body Language
- 5. Convey to someone that you like them
- Finding This Article Useful?
Mindset #1: When things go crazy, I`ll be the calmest person in the room
A friend, a super cool one, once told me the secret to his outstanding poise under pressure. He once watched the former NYC Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, say nothing helped him stay calm during the 9/11 attacks better than an old advice he got from his father who told him:
“When things go crazy, get out of control, and everyone is freaking out, you become calm. You be the calmest man in the room. Go as far as to become unnaturally calm. Be so calm and focused that you can look at the situation objectively, see what can be done and that everyone looks at you to be the leader.”
My friend used that quote every day while meditating till its effect rubbed off on him.
And I want you to do the same. Meditate cause it can save your life —it can even make you lose weight —, and it’ll give you that unshakeable poise under pressure. The same one charismatic people have.
Display passion in your words and actions
Nurture your passions by learning as much as you can about the things you love doing. Join clubs and associations. Be a great conversationalist and always fully understand what you’re talking about.
However, don’t go to an extreme and take yourself too seriously. This is where a great sense of humour will come in handy. It’s helpful to laugh at your own flaws, as people will feel less intimidated by you if you can laugh at yourself from time to time.
8. Take initiatives:
In your opinion, why are most leaders charismatic?
Precisely because they are leaders.
They take the initiative.
They give direction, and they make us move in this direction.
They have an energy that attracts us and make us want to follow them.
Getting into the habit of taking the initiative, whether it is in your personal projects or social life, will help you increase your charisma.
Getting used to taking things in hand will greatly help you develop your leadership skills.
Let go of your ego and pride
Be more interested in others than in yourself
Of course, nobody’s telling you not to express your point of view or your wishes; just don’t make it all about yourself. Be more interested in others than in yourself.
As the saying goes, the mind is like a parachute—it’s useful only when open. Accept everyone as they are and admit that you have something to learn from anyone. When you’re provoked, seek to understand the other person, rather than reacting defensively or aggressively. Try to reach a compromise, even if that means agreeing to disagree.
15. Be able to be in the present:
Charismatic people have the ability to be present.
Their presence is what make them so captivating and attracting.
They are here, physically and mentally.
They’re not stuck in their heads.
They are not lost in their thoughts when interacting with others.
They are not thinking about the past or the future when interacting with people.
They are here, in the present.
That’s why their presence is strong.
That’s why they can captivate us effectively.
That’s why we are drawn to them.
2. Let your eyes do the work
Legend has it that the truly charismatic person walks and talks and gestures wildly— and every eye in the room follows them. That’s only true if you’re Tony Robbins. Most of us have greater presence when we’re standing still. Looking like you’re not in a hurry is the sign of a master.
When talking to someone don’t glare or stare, just keep your eyes lightly on theirs. Don’t glance over their shoulders even if you spot a more interesting target across the room and — definitely — do not be distracted by your phone. Answer your texts in the bathroom.
13 Guidelines to Help You Develop Winning Charisma
Developing charisma isn’t an easy process. It is something that will take some time and effort. However, your efforts will be well spent the moment you begin putting your charisma to action.
Here are some guidelines for developing charisma in small ways through your social interactions with others:
Probably the most important skill of a charismatic individual is their ability to listen actively to what others are saying. Listening actively means that you listen with an open mind and without any judgment. Use gentle nods, paraphrasing, and interjections to acknowledge that you understand the other person. Also smile genuinely while freely expressing your enthusiasm and agreement with what the other person is saying.
Having the ability to listen actively means that you’re listening and actively participating in the conversation by asking questions and continuously encouraging the other person to provide you with more information about things that they are most interested and passionate about. This process will help you to get a better understanding of the other person while allowing you to build a strong emotional bond between the two of you.
Be Genuine in Every Way
Everything you do must be genuine. A charismatic person is always genuine in their concern for the other person. They genuinely respect the other person, and they are genuinely interested in the other person’s life, experiences, insights, and circumstances. They project this energy by asking insightful and interesting questions that gets the other person talking about themselves and their problems.
Throughout the conversation, the charismatic person also uses empathy to connect with others at a much deeper emotional level. Empathy helps them to fully understand what other people are thinking, feeling and going through.
Walking away from their interaction with a charismatic person, people often feel more confident, excited, and inspired about their future. The charismatic individual has made them feel incredibly important, while also strengthening their confidence by being supportive and understanding of their needs, wants desires and aspirations. And all it took was some genuine interest in the other person’s life — encouraging them to talk about themselves and their passions.
Communicate with Purpose
In order to communicate with purpose, a charismatic individual must first give their full undivided attention to the other person. They do this by using good and somewhat soft eye-contact that makes the other person feel comfortable and at ease. Once a connection has been established, they will use the other person’s name during key moments throughout the conversation. This helps them to create higher levels of rapport and helps draw the person deeper into the conversation.
While conversing the charismatic individual speaks with conviction, while purposefully varying their pitch, volume, tone and the rhythm of their voice in order to add some color to their speech. This has a tendency to keep the other person interested and transfixed on them at all times. On top of this, they project a light-hearted energy using humor as a way to make the other person feel more comfortable and relaxed in their presence.
Mirror and Match People
Mirroring and matching another person doesn’t mean mimicking the other person or copying their every movement and facial expression. What it does mean is choosing particular moments throughout the conversation where you will mirror and match how the other person stands or sits, or how they nod their head in order to create a deeper level of chemistry between the two of you.
Tell Engaging Stories
Those with incredible charisma are also engaging story-tellers. They have all these incredibly interesting stories about their lives, about their experiences, and even about the lives and experiences of others that they love to share with the people they meet. However, the charismatic individual won’t just tell these stories, they will share these stories in an engaging way that gets the other person involved physically and emotionally.
Freely Compliment People
It’s important to understand that many people work really hard behind the scenes in a variety of ways. They work hard to acquire specific kinds of knowledge, to learn new skills, to improve their appearance, etc. On the surface, we don’t see all the work that goes into all these things. However, if you pay attention to the details of your conversation with them, you can easily pick up on these key areas that people put a lot of effort into. This will immediately separate you from 99 percent of the population who rarely take notice of such matters.
A charismatic individual spots these areas throughout their interactions with other people and purposefully compliments the other person while acknowledging them for their efforts. This secretly impresses and maybe even surprises the other person, while helping build deeper levels of rapport.
To be charismatic is to be confident. Confidence and charisma are in some ways joined at the hipbone. You will fail miserably to be charismatic if you lack the confidence, conviction, and belief in your own abilities.
When it comes to your social interactions with others, it is absolutely paramount that you first work on developing your confidence before anything else. Charisma and shyness are certainly not joined at the hipbone. It’s also however important that you develop the necessary conviction and belief in your opinions and ideas. You’ll rarely gain the respect of others if you lack conviction.
Help People at Every Opportunity
During a typical conversation, a charismatic individual will listen intently to what the other person is saying and ask themselves the following two questions:
What does this person want or need?
How can I help them get this?
When you’re charismatic you naturally project an energy that is very nurturing and adds value to other people’s lives. It is therefore important that you see every interaction with every person you meet as an opportunity to change their lives for the better, even if it is in a very small way.
Find out what the other person really wants, what their problems are, what kind of challenges they are facing, and then figure out how you might be able to potentially help them.
Your help doesn’t need to cost you a lot of your time or energy. It could be as-small-as sharing a quote with them that you feel could help change the way they think, or it could be a recommendation about a book you’ve read, or it could just be connecting them to a friend or colleague who has had similar experiences and might be able to provide them with some guidance.
No matter what it is, help people in some small way. What might seem small to you, might, in fact, be huge within the context of their life.
Vary Up Your Facial Expressions
People with bland facial expressions seem boring and disinterested. However, those who have a wide variety of facial expressions that they use to punctuate their speech seem incredibly interesting and charismatic. However, it’s important that you practice these facial expressions in front of a mirror before you do it in public. Because what might seem like an interesting and friendly facial expression to you, might very well come across as strange and very distracting.
Use a Gentle Touch
A gentle touch here and there on the other person’s shoulder or arm can help to keep them engaged and interested. Charismatic people will often touch a person on purpose during key moments of their interactions while they are making specific points. This helps them to control the conversation and make the other person feel at ease in their presence. This, of course, must be done with caution. Some people will not want to be touched, or will not want to be touched in certain areas. You must, therefore, use your discretion and get a feel for what the other person feels most comfortable with, and adjust your approach accordingly.
It’s also important that you don’t overdo the touching. Excessive touching can lead to discomfort and you will lose all the rapport you worked so hard to create.
Use Well Timed Pauses
A person who talks a million miles an hour and doesn’t even pause to take a breath is absolutely exhausting to listen to. There’s no chance of building rapport if the other person is trying to keep up with your conversation.
One way to avoid falling into this trap is to slow down your speech. However, slowing things down can lead to other problems such as boredom and frustration. If you speak more slowly than the other person, then it’s likely they will be tempted to finish your sentences. You likewise lose their respect, as well as all the rapport you have been building. There is, however, a middle ground.
A charismatic individual will talk at a similar pace that the other person talks at. However, they will use clever pauses throughout their conversation in order to build anticipation or add emphasis to important points. This will have a tendency to keep the other person interested and engaged within the conversation.
Qualities to Aspire to…
A charismatic individual has certain qualities that separate them from most other people. These are the qualities that help them build incredible rapport with others. However, these qualities are not mysterious in any way. They are simply qualities of someone who is genuinely interested in making a difference in other people’s lives.
A charismatic person is caring, honest, genuine, approachable, respectful, social, authentic, fair, gracious and sympathetic. On top of all this they are also very assertive, yet always seem to be at ease. When you put all these qualities together you get one well-rounded individual who is liked and respected by everyone they meet.
The Charismatic Mindset
In order to develop a charismatic personality, you might need to spend some time growing and shaping your mindset in ways that will help you to project the right kind of attitude that will allow you to be more charismatic. And in essence that is pretty much what charisma is. It’s an attitude you have about life that you continuously share with other people through your interactions.
Here are some ways you can develop a charismatic mindset:
- Cultivate humility. Humility will help you to keep your feet on the ground no matter how much loyalty and support you garner from others.
- Cultivate optimism. Optimism will help you to stay positive during difficult times. Others will also rely on you to help build their confidence when things don’t go their way.
- Cultivate passion. A charismatic individual is passionate, purpose-driven and enthusiastic about life. Their passions help to inspire others to pursue their own goals and aspirations.
- Cultivate a childlike curiosity. Curiosity will help you become more interested in other people’s lives. This will allow you to ask more insightful questions and therefore get to know them at a deeper level.
- Be somewhat mysterious, unpredictable and surprising. Create a sense of intrigue about your persona to keep people guessing. Make sure that people don’t quite have you figured out. In this way, you will more naturally draw their attention, admiration, and interest.
- Be a fearless trailblazer. You have your own goals and vision, a sense of purpose, you’re creating your own path, and it doesn’t matter what obstacles stand in your way. You’re fearless and will, therefore, do whatever it takes to move forward with purpose. This will naturally inspire others to want to be more like you.
- Have a warm personality. A warm personality is friendly and outgoing and makes you very approachable.
- Have an abundance mentality. An abundance mentality means that there is no lack in your life. You are grateful for everything, and this gratitude brings you peace and fulfillment no matter what difficulties you might be facing.
The initial steps you take to develop charisma may very well go against your nature. It may actually be a very difficult process. However, if you commit and persist long-term you can most certainly make these changes stick. And when eventually everything does stick, a whole new world of opportunity will open up to you as you begin winning the respect and admiration of those around you.
5) Develop a Warm Personality
It’s common sense that a warm personality means that people will be more open to you. They won’t perceive you as a threat and therefore, are more likely to welcome you with open arms. To develop a warm personality, you have to be honest, kind and just as importantly, understanding of other people’s struggles and achievements.
2) Master Your Body Language
The way you express yourself through body language goes way beyond just words. Even those who cannot understand you well due to a language barrier, they will better understand the type of person you are.
Learn how to match your body language with your speech to give off the impression that you’re looking for.
If you watch motivational speakers, the most influential sports and public figures, you’ll notice that they all use subtle body language such as hand gestures to get their point across.
5. Convey to someone that you like them
The tale as old as time (or at least as old as Dale Carnegie) is that people want to be liked. Me, you, that blustery drunk holding forth, that shy person in the corner, everyone. So focus less about whether you are being liked and more on whether the person in front of you knows you like them. If another person walks away from you feeling good or even a tiny bit better than they did earlier, you have done your best work.
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