How to Politely Decline a Date via Text

How To Decline A Date Details

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How to politely decline a date via text

If you`re wondering how to say no to a guy nicely but you want to reduce the awkwardness as much as possible, don`t be afraid to turn to modern technology. Sending them a text message is a swift and easy way to let them know that you`re not interested in going out with them. Texting allows you to think carefully about what you`ll say, reducing the likelihood of you blurting out the first thing that comes to mind and hurting them unintentionally. Keep the message short and to the point whilst remaining polite and gracious. Turning someone down via text is also a good idea if you suspect that the person who likes you may not take your rejection very well. If you`re worried that they may become angry or not accept you turning them down, it`s best to keep a distance between the two of you.

Although it can be flattering to be asked out on a date, there may be occasions when you don`t want to accept the request. This is perfectly acceptable, and you shouldn`t feel guilty about doing so. However, it`s also important to handle your rejection politely and gracefully if you want to limit the amount of hurt and upset the other person experiences. Hopefully, these tips will give you an insight into how to reject a guy nicely.

How to say no to a date? This post discusses polite ways to refuse and turn down a guy or girl’s proposal while avoiding overused excuses that include ‘you are not my type’ and ‘let’s just be friends’.

Rejecting a proposal for a romantic relationship is all about using situation, circumstances and white lies to say no without ignoring and hurting someone’s feelings. Avoid sounding bad, rude or uptight by being nice, firm and direct at the same time.

Turn down your date by pretending that you have a

Turn down your date by pretending that you have a crush on someone else.

1) Say that you have a crush on someone else

An easy way to politely refuse a guy or a girl’s proposal is to say that you have a crush on someone else. That way you will not hurt anyone’s feelings and you will have thwarted off an unwanted advance without sounding rude.

The best part about this is that you won’t have to take any names. You can simply say that you don’t want to reveal your crush to anyone because it is a secret.

2) Use studies or work as an excuse to politely say no to a proposal

You can easily use studies, projects and work as an excuse to say no to a proposal. When someone tells you that you have a crush on you, just say that you are too busy to be involved in a romantic relationship. Below are some examples.

  • I have reached a crucial point and I am preparing to get into the college I’ve always wanted to go to. I don’t see myself dating anyone in the near future.
  • My job is my life and I hardly get time to meet my own friends. I don’t want to let someone down by giving them false hopes.
  • Don’t be curt and explain to him or her how you are completely focused on carving out your career at the moment.

3) Say that you can’t go out because your friend had a crush on him or her

You can use morality to your advantage by turning down a date because you can’t go out with your friend’s crush. Tell the guy or girl that you would be betraying your friendship if you went out. Below are a few examples.

  • One of my friends had a crush on you. I can never go out with you because it would break her heart.
  • It would be wrong if I dated you because my friend had a crush on you.
  • My friend was crushing over you and if we go out it will become way too awkward.
  • I can never do this to my friend. He had a crush on you. Sorry but this will never work out.

You may be faced with a question like ‘Who is it?’ or ‘Who is that friend of yours?’ Just be cool and say that you can’t reveal it and you would rather keep it a secret from him or her.

4) Say that you have just come out of a relationship and you don’t want to date anyone

Politely turn down a date by saying that you have just come out a relationship. Say that your heart is still hurting from your breakup, you are still not over your ex, and that you don’t feel like seeing anyone.

Don’t give false hopes by saying that you will get back to him or her. Just be direct and say that there is no chance of you getting back in the dating scene.

Write a cute handwritten note to add a touch of wa

Write a cute handwritten note to add a touch of warmth to your refusal.

5) Give the guy or girl a cute handwritten note

If you don’t feel like confronting the girl or guy who asked you out on a date, wrap up the matter by giving a cute handwritten note. Don’t turn the note into a letter by writing more than one or two lines. Here are a few examples of cute one-liners you can write on the note.

Here’s the situation: You match with someone on a dating app. You start up a conversation, but you decide that, unfortunately, you just aren’t feeling it. Then that match asks you on a date. Don’t feel bad if you’ve ever been asked out by a match and aren’t interested. It happens, and it’s awkward, but ghosting that match isn’t the only way to handle it (and it’s definitely not the nicest). It’s hard to know how to turn down a date on a dating app, but it can be done, and it can even be done without hurting anyone’s feelings. Amazing, right?

As painful as rejection can be, it’s important to prioritize your own needs over another person’s desires if something doesn’t feel right. You don’t owe anyone a date, no matter how long you may have been talking. But that match has still put themselves out there, and it’s always nice to be mindful of their feelings. There is a way to say “thank you, but no thank you” without permanently bruising any egos, and no, it doesn’t involve blocking that person and never looking back. Here are some things to keep in mind when declining a date on a dating app.

Even if you’re not into it, being asked out is still flattering. That match is saying, “Hey, I think you’re cool/attractive/smart/funny and would like to get to know you better.” (Or maybe they just want to hook up, but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt.) It takes some guts to ask someone on a date, and you can acknowledge this by thanking them for both the flattery and the risk they’ve taken in asking.

As Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, told Elite Daily, Rejection is tough and it can impact your self-esteem and confidence. You don’t want to do that. We all know rejection is part of the game, but self-esteem and confidence shouldn’t take a hard hit when you turn someone down. A simple “thank you” indicates to your date that you appreciate the offer, and your graciousness will hopefully help soften the blow a bit.

Just as you don’t owe anyone a date, you don’t need to give your match a five-paragraph essay on why you don’t want to date them. You might be tempted to offer an explanation, but brevity is key when it comes to a rejection. A brief message doesn’t have to be brusque or rude, either. In fact, providing a lengthy explanation for turning the date down might give your match the wrong idea (as well as more room for misinterpretation).

Dating coach Erika Ettin believes that you shouldn’t have to provide a reason for turning down a date. If someone is not mature enough to handle this, that is on the other person,” she said. “You can only control what you put out there, not how people react to it. Therefore, the less you put out there, the better, because it’s possible that offering an explanation will just tempt that person to try to change your mind.

You’re not doing your match any favors by being wishy-washy. Save them the mind games and the stress by getting right to the point. Even though it may feel mean to be so direct, you might hurt someone worst in the long run with ambiguity and false hope. If you’re not interested, say so. If they’re not going to change your mind, make sure they know that.

We hate hurting people`s feelings, so a lot of times we try to avoid or be vague, Trombetti explained. It’s just not the way to go.” Evading the truth just delays the enviable, and it’s kinder to turn someone down right away than to allow them to believe they still have a chance. If you don’t have any doubt about your disinterest, then tell them that. They’ll understand that more than they’ll understand why you led them on for several weeks.

Ah, the good ol’ Golden Rule. As simple as it seems, think about how you would like to be rejected yourself before rejecting someone else. Empathy is essential when it comes to sparing feelings. While you should put yourself first in this situation, it’s important to be tactful and respectful of the person you’re turning down.

“While someone might be disappointed that you don’t want to go out again, he or she can’t really be angry at you for feeling, or not feeling, how you do,” Ettin pointed out. Your match will find it difficult to be angry with you if you treat them with kindness rather than indifference. Including well wishes, such as, “Best of luck, and I hope you find someone amazing,” will also make it easier for your match to deal with your rejection.

As Ettin said, “The two keys are tact and honesty when letting someone down.” When turning someone down on a dating app, you should try your best to be as direct and concise as possible while still being respectful. Being rejected is never fun, but it’s preferable to going on a date with someone who simply isn’t interested.

I’ve gotten very good at saying no to second dates, largely because I go on so many first dates. There are times when we both acknowledge there’s no spark and go our separate ways; there are times when they reject me; and statistically, there are a fair number of people who want to take a second run at it even though we have literally zero chemistry.

Having been ghosted or strung along by people I genuinely liked, I’ve made it a personal policy to never leave someone hanging. If somebody likes me enough to ask me out again, I will try to always respond so they’re not left wondering what happened. This is how I do it.

Make the “no” very clear

There’s a tendency in our passive, text-based communication dating world to just hope someone takes the hint. People will wait a long time to respond, they’ll say, “Sorry, I‘ve been busy!” without offering a window of free time, or they’ll claim they’d like to hang out again, but never follow up. Do not do this.

Perhaps your admirer should just understand that you’re not into them and have no intention of ever seeing them again, but it’s not fair to keep that little glimmer of hope alive. Let’s be honest: Often, part of the reason folks won’t say no directly is because they want to keep the door open a sliver, just in case. That sucks. Cut the line and let them go. If you really want them that badly in future, it’s on you to reach out, not for them to keep checking in every few months.

Say what you liked about them

Texting does make considering your words a lot easier. If someone asks you out on a second date in person, and you’re not sure what to say, tell them you will text them later. Then, text them later, and soon, as outlined in my previous point.

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I try to always say something I thought was cool and nice about them; for the most part, even if I don’t like somebody, they’re still a multifaceted human being. They talked about something interesting, they bought me a coffee, they met me in my neighborhood. Saying, “You were really interesting and I loved talking to you about beekeeping,” or “Thanks for taking the time to meet with me,” before your “No” is a little sugar to help the medicine go down.

Say why you’re not into it

This is the tricky part; there’s a huge range of reasons for why we’re not attracted to a person. They can go from the arbitrary to the offensive. In my experience, it works best to point to something fairly neutral, but true. It gives them a reason for why that doesn’t feel deeply personal, yet makes sense as a deal breaker.

The things you can list are generally very basic—for example, telling someone you don’t think you have enough common interests to sustain long-term dating. What can they say to that? You have your interests, they have theirs. Another specific example: I once told someone I didn’t think we’d be sexually compatible because he spent much of our date explaining he was into sadism. Sorry! Best of luck, though!

Folks want closure more than a dissertation, so keep it simple with, “You’re [ ] and [ ] and it was great to meet you, but I don’t feel the romantic chemistry I need for dating. Thanks for meeting with me.”

Stick with the classics

If you don’t feel like you can get that personal, don’t avoid the clichés. Saying you’re not looking for the same things is popular for a reason; it’s a staple of the gentle letdown. People just don’t use it as much now, because they’d rather let their first dates dangle in romance purgatory.

Though I much prefer to be honest, I think it’s also okay to use old favorites like “I need to take a break from dating,” or “I’m actually not ready for dating,” even if you’re just not interested in dating them. If they contact you in the future and get rejected again, it’s what they should expect—you told them you didn’t want to date.

When it comes to safety, say anything you want

All of these tips are contingent on your date being a reasonable human being. If they’re not, or you feel unsafe in their company (especially in person) say whatever you have to. Safety is paramount. But if you just don’t like someone, don’t leave them hanging.

You can be considerate and respectful – and still say no to a colleague. Sometimes, the most respectful thing for you, for your company and even for the colleague who is asking you to take on more is to say, “No.” Here are some tips for how to decline a request graciously:

Offer a classy compliment

“Both sides feel respected when we validate the other person’s vulnerability,” says Cheryl M. Bradshaw, a registered psychotherapist in Canada, author of Real Talk About Sex and Consent. Bradshaw especially likes the below line if you’re approached in a public place, which yes, can be awkward.

Try: “I know it can be hard to put yourself out there, but unfortunately, I’m not interested. I appreciate you asking and being respectful, though.”

An important caveat: The moment someone speaks to you disrespectfully—say, by asking you more than once or trying to change your mind—you should change your strategy. “Be firm, and leave the situation as quickly as you can,” Bradshaw says.

What About Stalkers?

There’s something to be said for persistence, and then there’s just plain creepy. If you turn a guy down and he won’t leave you alone (but you’re not quite to “restraining order” potential), give him one or two more verbal warnings: “I told you my answer, and I would appreciate if you’d respect my boundaries.” “Please stop contacting me/approaching me. I am not interested in you that way.” If he persists, consider bringing a guy friend/brother with you the next time you’ll be in his vicinity. If he approaches you again, reiterate your stance and have your guy friend back you up. Right after high school, I had my dad come pick me up from a night class in front of a guy who wouldn’t leave me alone. After seeing my dad, he stopped bothering me. Do your best to avoid situations where he can make you uncomfortable. If the situation makes you nervous or fearful for your safety, contact authorities and stay in the company of others when you know he will be nearby.

The Easy and Polite Way to Decline a Date

If we knocked on your door right now and offered you a nice slice of dirt pie (not the cool kind made out of Oreos, but actual dirt from your front yard), chances are you wouldn’t be interested in eating a slice. How would you politely decline that slice of pie? (Ignore for the time being that we dug up the dirt from your front yard).

You’d probably say something like, “Oh, I appreciate the offer, but I’m not interested right now.” And that would be the end of it.

Guess what? Declining a date is just that simple.

“Hey, want to grab coffee with me this weekend, you know, on like a date”

“Oh, I really appreciate the offer, but I’m just not interested. Thank you, though.”

And that’s it. That’s literally all you have to say. It’s polite, direct, and gets your point across. There are literally zero reasons for you ever to complicate things. If you try and soften the blow or beat around the bush, you might not get your point across.

Main Reasons for Declining a Date

Of course, now you understand that you should never date someone whom you don’t like. But what if you are not a very experienced person, and it seems to you that you don’t mind to have a date with this person? The feeling of uncertainty is very common for humans. Don’t worry, you are normal, and this has nothing to do with your self-confidence. Usually, we recommend going on a date with this person, but today, we are saying that you need to pay attention to his or her behavior while you were chatting online or seeing each other offline.

1. He or she doesn’t listen to you

Having the opportunity to speak is important to every person, and it is especially important in the relationship between romantic partners. The desire to know that your beloved one understands you, helps you, satisfies your needs, supports you, and responds accordingly is completely natural for every person. For this reason, if this person can’t pay attention to you, even in small things, for example, doesn’t want to hear about how your day went, then there is no point in dating him or her. Because everything will only get worse, and your romantic relationship will give you nothing but a pure disappointment.

2. You can’t be yourself with him or her

One of the most unpleasant problems in a romantic relationship is when you can’t be yourself and show your true nature, say what you think, feel exactly the way you feel. Constantly receiving reproaches from a loved one for the fact that something is wrong with you is painful and unfair. On the other hand, with a normal romantic partner, you can expect that he or she will advise you and will help you grow, and vice versa. But if you don’t feel that this is the case with this person, then you should avoid dating him or her.

3. You have nothing in common

Of course, having something in common doesn’t mean that your partner should love everything that you love and hate everything that you don’t like. Each person has his or her own views on life and his or her own sphere of interests. But if you understand that you have nothing to share with this person, nothing to talk about, and he or she may not understand the importance of some things, then you shouldn’t agree to date this person. Of course, everything can be changed, but it is not wise to begin your romantic relationships with problems.

4. You feel exhausted after being with this person

If you feel that this person drains all your energy during your meetings or texting, and you feel exhausted both physically and emotionally, then this is a very important sign that you shouldn’t be together. Besides, if you already feel terrible when you simply meet this person or receive messages from him or her, imagine what problems you may encounter if you decide to live together, or have a family. Having personal space in a relationship is one thing, but this doesn’t mean that you should feel terrible when he or she texts or calls you to ask you to go on a date.

5. You can’t openly talk about your feelings with this person

In any romantic relationship, it is very important to talk about your feelings. Both partners should freely express both positive and negative emotions. Thus, they can find and fix problems until it is too late. Plus, this is a pretty important part of the emotional connection between two people. If you can’t tell this person how and what you actually feel about him or her, then you shouldn’t agree to date this person. Building relationships on lies is a huge mistake.

Tips for Declining a Date Politely

So, how to respectfully decline a date? You already understand that you must be honest with people if you don’t want to date them, and you know that you should never date those you don’t like, but how to refuse a date without ruining your connection with this person? Because, sometimes, we find ourselves in a position when our coworkers or close friends want to turn whatever relationships we have with them into romantic ones. Don’t worry, you are right that this is a very hard topic, but here are some tips that will help you decline a date very politely.


Before saying that you don’t want to date this or that person, you should make a compliment about his or her best quality because by doing that, you won’t hurt him or her too hard with your refusal, and will save his or her self-confidence. As you may know, receiving a refusal from a person you love can critically damage your confidence.

Don’t get into the friend zone

Friendzone is a real nightmare for everyone. If you are in a friendzone, you can be very close with a person you love but will never be as close as you would like to be because being a good friend and a perfect romantic partner are two very different things. Thus, you should avoid both getting into friendzone yourself or putting other people there.

Explain the reason

You don’t actually owe an explanation of real reasons for your refusal. But this is one of the greatest ways to politely decline a date via text because online you can’t look in his or her eyes, and your body language doesn’t show anything. Hence, you should help this person understand why you don’t want to date him or her. Note, if the real reason is too cruel, then you can lie about it.

Speak directly without giving false hope

The most important thing to remember when refusing someone is to do it openly and directly, without giving any false hopes. As you can see, sometimes, people, when trying to politely decline a date online or offline, are not able to make it unconditionally. They find blurry reasons not to go on a date. Therefore, they are giving false hopes to others that one day, they may agree to go on a date.

Be honest

Even though we have recently mentioned that you can lie about real reasons for refusal, you still need to be somewhat honest about them. For example, if you don’t want to be with this person because he or she doesn’t have anything in common with you. You should honestly but at the same time politely tell this to him or her. Use lies only to make an honest reason sound gentle and less painful.

How can you refuse to have a date with someone without hurting his or her feelings at all? Unfortunately, you can’t. No matter how polite and careful you will be, it is always hard to be rejected by someone, but you should remember that it is way harder and more painful to date or even live with someone who doesn’t suit you. In fact, by refusing, you are not hurting people, but saving them from the pain that will come with unhappy romantic relationships. But it doesn’t mean that you can refuse others without any doubts, and courtesy. Refusing people can be very hard, but it is inevitable because you will meet many different people during your life, and only a few of them you will be able to call yours.

Don’t worry if everything sounds too hard and cruel to you. Refusing and receiving refusals is a very important part of human lives. If you ever received a refusal from a person you like or love, then you know how crucial it is to possess a skill of declining a date politely and gently. Sometimes we become so emotional and charged, so we can’t keep our anger or disappointment inside, and we chuck it over those who around us, sometimes we hit very hard those who love us by doing that. Remember, you should always be careful and must pay attention to your politeness, especially when you are going to refuse to have a date with someone. This world is full of pain even without you, and there is no reason to add more of it.


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